We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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