I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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