This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
