Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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