i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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