i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
