So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
