end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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