I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
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just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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