I look better un-naked...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
