my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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