I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
