So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
