i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
PANTIES FOUND
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