You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
