If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
