That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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