she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
