the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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