My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
