I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize