Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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