first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There r osticjed everywhere
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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