I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
