Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
