So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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