Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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