I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize