He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
