Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
