3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
