i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
