Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
