she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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