____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
where are my eyebrows?
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