Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
