Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
