Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
