If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He felt like a one man threesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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