im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
