Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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