Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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