Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
