Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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