I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
