Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
