dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
