Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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