guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
