I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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