Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
