would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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