Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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