low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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