I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im part way to drunk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
