A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
