I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
