just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
