im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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