it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
