anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
