i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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