Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Barsexuality is the new black.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
