I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my poor anus
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
