How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
