Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
