$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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