capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
