While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
