Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My life is pants optional.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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