yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
