erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
