Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
