I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
