it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize