im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
