my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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